Hello 2013.
I have a feeling you too will be a bittersweet year, filled with loss, heartbreak, lessons, smiles, and laughs. Please, may something eye-opening come from you.
I bet you are going to be painfully beautiful. I realize I will lose my cat Snowball this year, and I most likely will lose my Grandmother. I have been blessed to have my Grandma (and Snowball!) in my life, and I know my family and I will be comforted if we turn to our Lord for love and comfort through these hard times. We may have to say goodbye to family members—only for a while, until we meet again—but we also gain a stronger, deeper love and appreciation for the unspoken bond we have in our family. There is a bond there, that no matter what may come, it will not be broken, and the more problems come, the stronger it will become and the more we will turn to God for strength. I full heartedly believe that in our weakness, He is strong. It is through these hard times that we learn love, commitment, and humility, and we remember the real meaning of life. I am thankful for it all.
I realize I will go through more heartbreaks as I further learn our world's cruel realities. There is one thing I request: Please send a little rain when I need it. Don't let me forget that God is the most important one through it all. I believe life is about finding our place in this world, and realizing our place isn't with this world. We are here to learn about love and humility, and to learn that our place is with our Lord and Savior.
I know I am talking very "religiousy", but this is now the real me, and this is who I want to continue to be. I want to only continue in this direction. I want to continually focus on bringing my life closer and closer to the way God wants it to be. I want to draw closer to my God and Savior. I want to continually focus on my spirituality and personal relationship with God. The more I put into it, the more beautiful it becomes, and this is 'home' for me. ...and I am serious this time. ..but I can't do it alone. I need guidance, grace, and mercy. And it is so humbling to realize and understand that Jesus died for me, and that through his grace and mercy, I too can be a light to the world. I can be a little puzzle piece to a much, much bigger picture that is so beautiful.
It really is so beautiful.
I have done some things this past year that still seem to haunt my conscience, and won't let me be. In a way, I am grateful for feeling corrected. It is strong enough to help me really learn what I need to learn. I did things that I now clearly see as selfish and ungodly, but at the time, those things didn't seem as bad as they truly were. I no longer want to compromise who I want to be for what I may want for that moment. I also don't need to go against who I am in order to gain anyone's approval— I don't need anyone's approval but God's. I really do believe in grace, and I want to start letting it be an active part of my life. ...This isn't a religion to me; this is a way of life, and I really want this for my life.
If you are a good friend who is reading this, you will remember what you just read, and you will not encourage me to partake in anything that would threaten the vision I have for my life. I have cleaned out my social life because it was needed, and I have no regrets. I have less problems of temptation, I can hear my own opinions, I have more time to think about my actions before I do them, and I am able to focus on the things that truly matter. I am all about focusing on bettering myself, my relationship with God, my relationship with my son, and my relationship with my family. I will most likely not go hang out much, nor go out at night. ......and that's okay because I want to invest as much time as I can into my little, two-legged firecracker. He won't be little forever.
So, 2013, help me spiritually, physically, emotionally, and mentally. Help me work on the relationships that need my attention. Help me heal past wounds that have not yet healed. Help me learn how to be as I need to be, and help me know when I may be needed. Help me keep my focus on the things that really matter. And if I get too big headed, may God please knock me down and humble me when needed.
Sincerely,
Kelli De
